Baby steps is what it is all about.

I didn't walk this morning. I did do some bicycle crunches and regular crunches. I also measured how far it is from my office to the T station that is further away. It is a little over a mile.

I'm trying not to feel guilty about this whole exericising thing. I know it's a step and a process to change my lifestyle, but sometimes it just isn't that easy.

These are the things I am trying:

• not to be judgemental of myself and others
• exercise a little every day
• get up early and not rush around on the morning
• take time to breath
• manage my time
• make healthy eating choices

I had an apple as a snack, and I wasn't hungry, it was just there. It's better than a brownie or a piece of cake, or a candy bar just being "there".

As Let it Flow says, it's a process!

Morning.

I woke up to my patio furniture strewn about and a rather large rabbit sitting there calmy munching on something. Well, he was calm until my three monsters saw him. Then he ran.

The dilemma of this morning is my total lack of motivation. I dragged myself out out bed at 6:15. I have only had coffee and not breakfast. My sneakers and fleece are in the car. It's chilly.

I think I'll make some Steel Cut oats, have an egg, and go to work. I can get some work done before the phones start ringing, and since I have a depo in Boston, can wear my sneakers and go for a walk around the city before I have to go sit up and pay close attention to the opposing counsel's questions.

I think I'm making excuses. I really wish my sneakers were not in my car. I'll have breakfast, check out some blogs, and see what happens.

I might do the yoga mentioned on Beets, Butter and Mountaintops, as it does not require sneakers.

Sparkpeople????

I've been monitoring my intake of food on Sparkpeople. It really is full of information. I just wish the site would move a little faster.

Oh well. So far so good. I had leftovers for lunch (whole grain pasta, artichokes, sun dried tomatoes, olives and feta). I have also had an orange and a banana. The orange kept me from eating something NOT good.

I am still hungry. I had a few wasabi peas....but they really are just for taste and I had to stop eating them because, well, I could eat the entire bag in one sitting.

I have two apples and an orange left until dinner. I am trying to avoid having microwave popcorn, but since I won't be home until after 8:30, I must just have some.

Sparkpeople is eye opening!

Of breakfast and sabotage

I just posted yesterdays breakfast. I do not know why it came up today. Anyway, I had the same thing this morning, except that I ended up having skim milk in my coffee instead of soy milk.

I overslept, and then didn't drink my coffee - which got cold - and last time I nuked coffee I burned my hand, besides I had completely lost track of time and couldn't find a travel mug, so I stopped at Dunks for a medium.

I'm trying to cut out caffeine.

It's not going all that well.

Anyway, breakfast was delicious!

Then, I got to work, and put my lunch (and I brought extras for my coworker) and told the law clerk (they are both part of our lunchtime strolls...emphasis on "stroll"). I told him it was healthy and someone else in my office laughed. He said that for me eating healthy is like him chewing on his fingernails. I'll last awhile, but it won't last forever. He knows my family and we like our desserts. Nice.

That is a judgement (yes Stacey I noticed!). I told him it was, and that he should be more supportive. I should also add that he doesn't think I'm fat. Anyway. I guess that is what happens when you work with mostly men.

So, off to my day! I brought sneakers to work and it looks like it is clearing up.

Breakfast of Champions

This morning, I decided to make a couple of days supply of cooked steel cut oats. They take about 45 minutes to cook, so they are not great to cook on busy mornings. However, if you cook them in advance and refrigerate them, you can just microwave them and are good to go.

I actually got hooked on steel cut oats, after reading Stacey Shipman's blog post on them. I bought mine at Trader Joe's. They are Irish Style Steel Cut Oats by Country Choice. They are quite delicious, particularly when you add some maple syrup.

Maple syrup is one of my new favorite foods. I eat too much sugar, and am trying to cut down on processed foods, so for the time being, maple syrup on my oats or waffles in the morning is hitting the spot!

I've been buying maple syrup at Whole Foods, and so far I have tried the 365 Organics from Whole Foods, and so far so good.

After Dinner

So I ate dinner. I thought that by just making half of a third of a bag of pasta that I would get a small portion. It wasn't that big, but it was more than I needed.

I am now full.

While I was eating, the not hungry husband went to the store and got himself the fixings of a hot fudge sundae. He ate it. He also brought in cat litter (which had been sitting in my car) and now hopefully he will change it. If he doesn't, Elwood might get mad, and a mad Elwood pees on things that Adam uses.

Check out the "boys" on my first blog ever.

I do not think I will have a hot fudge sundae. I'm glad he didn't get chocolate chip meringues or even coffee ice cream with chocolate sprinkles!

Ok. Now is confession time. I had a some of the ice cream. Brigham's vanilla. I had about a serving - 3/4 of a cup and then some Brigham's hot fudge. Just because it was yummy.

And now for dinner

I forgot to add that my snacks today were an orange and a granny smith apple. I almost had some microwave popcorn, but opted for the apple.

Now I am home and the husband is not hungry, because he had food from a fast food joint that I cannot mention. It is one place that I won't even eat (and it is not Taco Bell). Now he wants ice cream. This is why I am fat.

So...I am having a cup of pasta (the regular kind), broccoli rabe and some ricotta cheese. I might also sprinkle some Parmesan cheese on it.

I also did some strength exercises, mostly because it is too yucky to go for a walk. I'll have to plan to go early tomorrow.

3:55 is the witching hour

I'm hungry again. Or maybe I'm bored. The weather is nasty out and I am trying to figure out what to do for some activity tonight.

Mostly, I'm trying to blog when I get hungry to see if there is another answer -- i.e. -- boredom, and to track my progress.

This post is probably boring for everyone else, and you are all thinking. Is she always hungry? The answer is no, but 78% of the time I am.

I made it to lunch

I ate lunch, sort of late. I had some of those beets - and I am positive that when I walk tonight, I will sweat magenta.

I decided to enter my food into Sparkpeople, because I'm copying my friend the lover of beets. This is for informational purposes only - not to get crazy about counting calories.

I had leftovers for lunch - the pasta with artichokes, olives, feta and sun dried tomatoes. I'm thinking about food again, but that's probably because the husband is going to be home tonight, and normally he is at class tonight so. . .that throws a wrench in my plans for dinner.

Now to think of something that the husband will eat. Or else call the husband and send him to the supermarket to get something he would eat. I was going to do something with brocolli rabe. Brocolli rabe is not a food that the husband eats.

Poor husband, does not have any idea how yummy it is! He just sees all that green and gets nervous.

It's 11:49

I only had an orange. Luckily there was nothing else around to tempt me. I shall now make it to lunch of leftovers.

Starving?

I am not going to starve, but I am hungry.

I had Steel Cut Oats this a.m. Now it's 10:14 and I'm hungry. I have some snacks: an orange, an apple, beets and then my lunch. I also have emergency microwave popcorn.

I am reticent to eat more red beets. I think if I do, I might just start sweating magenta.

Meatloaf?

I bought some ground dark turkey meat and some ground beef (93% lean) at Whole Foods yesterday in anticipation of making meatballs.

I changed my mind. Instead I found a recipe on Cooking Light for Meatloaf and modified it. I think I modified it to make it a little fattier (the recipe called for egg whites and I used whole eggs). I also decided that I would use half turkey and half meat. So I divided the recipe in two, and mixed it in two bowls. Then I made two half-sized loafs and mushed them (mushed is the technical word) together and coated them in ketchup.

The husband liked it and said he would eat it again. Next time I will use the meat combination suggested in the recipe of beef, veal and pork. I also liked it and I normally do not like meatloaf.
I also made some asparagus, that I marinated in garlic salt and olive oil. I have a lot of leftovers. The husband claims to like it, but picked it up, looked at it, and put it back down. More for me!

Accountability: I did some strength training and some walking today, but mostly I did stuff around the house and also worked.

Oh I almost forgot...the reason why I should not have any snack like food in the house - I ate STALE whole wheat crackers. 7 of them. I was hungry (it was before I ate the pasta at lunch time).

I also had a banana - but that was a good choice.

The husband is looking for snacks. We have no snacks except for some leftover stale wheat crackers, which I would not recommend.

Sunday to myself (well almost)

I cooked today after breakfast (in between blogging and working and doing laundry).
I made some beets. Red ones. Now I know why people make golden ones. Red ones stain. They also can cause a little bit of alarm in the bathroom, when suddenly the toilet bowl turns pink.

I only panicked for a second. I figured it was the beets. Also red beet juice gets everywhere. I'm not naturally a 'neat' cooker, so I got a lot of red beet juice everywhere.

I then made a cold pasta salad for lunch and for lunch this week:

Barilla whole grain plus penne pasta - 1 box
1 jar of black olives, drained.
1 can artichokes, save some juice.
1 1/4 cups of feta cheese
a handful of chopped sun dried tomatoes
salt
olive oil

I cooked the pasta, and mixed it with olive oil and some salt, and let it cool.

I then mixed in some of the juice from the canned artichokes.

Once the pasta cooled I added the artichokes, olives, feta and sun dried tomatoes. Then I ate some and put the rest in the refrigerator.

I also ate some of the pasta while it cooled.

The husband will not eat it. That ensures that I will have lunch for the rest of the week.

Moisture, moisture and more moisture

I love lotions. Mostly I love lotions that actually keep my skin soft. I slather lotion on myself after every shower. I got thinking (and reading) and started to realize 'what am I putting on my skin'. It is my largest organ after all. Pretty much I have been loading myself up with chemicals. I don't think that the chemicals in moisturizers are going to kill me, but why not be more careful about what I slather on myself every morning.

First of all, I'm not willing to compromise on my facial moisturizer - at least not yet. I'm one of those lucky 30 somethings who seem to have re-hit puberty and the moisturizer and soaps I have been using seem to keep break-outs at bay. (That is a story for another day.) The first product I decided to try was during this past winter, I bought it at Whole Foods. I figured that this was a good place to start.

I smelled a lot of products. I really am not into anything that smells like a college student. (No offense to college students). But I don't want to smell like I did in college, when I wore grungy clothes, ripped jeans and Birkenstocks. I want to smell like an adult who wears suits and pantyhose to work. I don't want to walk around in a waft of memories. SO, after smelling SEVERAL products I decided to try Alba Botanica Very Emollient Body Lotion, put out by Avalon Natural Products. It's okay. The smell is a little strong for my taste, but overall pleasant. It says that it is the maximum dry skin formula. I woke up with dry skin. Then again it was winter. I think it might be the summer version of maximum dry skin. (Did I say that I SLATHER moisturizer on in the winter.) Also, it's vegetarian. That's good to know. It has me a little worried about products that don't say they are vegetarian. That's for another day. Overall it says that it has alpha hydroxy and anti-oxidants. There are a lot of chemicals on the label - in fact just as many as on my other moisturizer. I feel a little healthier (and I'm thinking of college) using it, but I don't think I'll be buying it again before summertime.

They do have an unscented version, but I'm thinking I'm going to branch out and try some other products.

Things I should not buy

I went to Whole Foods yesterday. I bought very healthy and yummy things. I also bought chocolate chip merangues. I do not know why I bought them.

I thought I would have one a day. It is the next day and they are all gone. I even had one while I was waiting for my steel cut oats this morning.

There were only four in the package, but I can't buy them anymore. I have no self control when it comes to fluffy crunchy sugar and chocolate.

Margaritas and Mexican Food

Last night the husband and I met our very good friends for dinner at our favorite restaurant, El Sarape. It's not far from our house, and driving by you would never know that inside is one of the best restaurants around.

I'm not into counting points or doing weight watchers. I want to make a healthy lifestyle change forever, and not just so I can lose weight. That being said - I have been on so many diets in my life, I know what to eat and what not to eat. I also know that depriving myself just makes me more hungry.

I have some favorites at El Sarape, and have a hard time expanding beyond them, mostly because they are so delicious. Usually I have enchiladas verdes or camerones javier. Last night I branched out and had camerones en tres chiles (or something like that). It was shrimp, spicy chili/cilantro sauces and some potatos with a side or rice and beans. Delicious and spicy.

I also had two melon margaritas. My favorite. I also had some guacamole and some chips. I do not feel guilty about any of it! I wasn't overly full when I got home.

Also, my friend has been golfing for awhile and has a set of starter clubs I can use while I figure out what I want for clubs.

I really need to start taking pictures :).

I am NOT hungry.

How's that? I went on a long walk (a little longer than anticipated because I really do not have a great sense of direction - something I will not admit to my husband) with my Beet Loving Friend. Leanna did not know that I have a poor sense of direction, so somehow or other we ended up at Hingham Lumber.

I thought this was also a good opportunity for a before picture, so here it is:

Note: I am holding a cancer causing bottle. I was unaware it was cancer causing - and sort of feel like lot's of things cause cancer, but I digress.

I went for a 90 minute walk, we even walked by JJ's (a very favorite place of my friend Amy). The best part, is that I did not even want any JJ's!

So then we ended up walking up Route 3A until we got to the abandoned railroad - which I thought was another great opportunity for before pictures. Leanna is on the left, I am on the right.

Ok, this is actually a very very good before picture of me. And this is not meant as a judgment. I look fat. I am fat. This is not the body I have when i think of my self. In my head I am not a 'fat girl'.

I also made a trip to Whole Foods and got some great food for the week.

This is what I have eaten so far today:

Waffle (Fig and Flax)

Coffee (homemade but Dunkin Donuts variety)

Edamame Salad

PBJ from Whole Foods

Peach Orange Nantucket Nectar

A Chocolate Chip Merangue

A banana.

We're going out to dinner with friends tonight.

Finally Friday!

I weighed 118 pounds in January of 2000. 118 pounds. The funny thing is that was not my lowest weight as an adult. I think that that was up from 112. That was the year I got diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. One doctor I went to (the first) told me that I had iritable bowel syndome and I should be happy because I was so nice and slender (I was probably around 122-125 down from a 137). I cried on the way home. I was sick and I knew it. So eventually I found a great doctor, and have since switched to a different great doctor, and all is well.

I met my husband right around when my weight was normalizing and I was getting healthy...and by the summer of 2001 I was at a good healthy fighting weight! I just kept on going. I wasn't exercising as much due to getting a 'real job'.

When I took the bar exam, I was rigid about self-care. I would study for certain periods of time, eat, exercise and make sure that I took a mental break from studying by spending time with pretty much anyone who wasn't studying for the bar. What happened?

That's the question that I am starting to answer.

Today, I was ok. I had to have a blood test that required fasting so I skipped my morning walk and breakfast and had a dunkin donuts coffee, a raisin bran muffin, water, then had a banana, some california rolls, an apple, microwave popcorn and then out of boredom...a snickers egg.

The best part, I don't even like snickers. They are edible, but generally I do not like nuts in my dessert and snickers is no exception.

Google Blogger

I should say that I am still trying to figure out this google blogger thing. I REALLY want to be able to categorize my posts. I want some to be about what I did, and some to be about what I ate and exercised. I don't think EVERYONE wants to know what I ate and when I exercised (unless it involves a fun story about falling or something very very yummy).

So today so far, so good. Well. So far so okay. I got up went to my breakfast meeting (ate a flax fig waffle on the way...actually 2 flax fig waffles) and then got there and had coffee with milk. Then we were out of milk and so I had some light cream.
Then I saw the scones and thought that 8 a.m. was as good a time as any to have breakfast number 2.

I stopped for coffee on my way to the office (a medium with skim milk because I am trying to cut down on caffeine).

I then had a banana.

THEN was the dessert. I arrived in my office to an email from the office manager -"there is a yummy dessert upstairs, and it has whipped cream, and it is too big for the refrigerator so please eat". (FYI - we have a dorm size fridge) So after my banana I decided to taste it. It looked yummy, chocolate, then whipped cream, then strawberries.

I tasted it and thought it had gone very very very bad. I threw it away.
I then ate my lunch at an appropriate lunch eating time (like 12:02).
Then I saw the office manager eating the dessert. She said it was yummy. I thought maybe the banana screwed with my taste buds. I tried it again after a discussion with our law clerk. He said it tasted like there was booze in it. Oh RUM! That's the taste. So I had some again. There was a LOT of rum in it. I thought maybe it would make me drunk, but alas it didn't.

I then had an orange.

Then I was going to meet my friend for drinks. We met. But no drinks for Jess. I forgot my I.D. and the bartender wouldn't serve me alcohol. It happens sometimes. So I had a diet pepsi. Calorie crisis averted!

Fenway Franks

Last night my husband and I went to the Sox/Angels game. It was a nice night, too bad the Sox didn't play better. One thing about Fenway, is that there is a LOT of food. I did see one sign that said "healthy options" with an arrow. I'm not sure what the healthy options were...peanuts? Anyway, I think I did pretty well. I had a frank and a beer and some peanuts. My husband did okay too, he had two franks, three beers and some peanuts.

I should also add that after the game, we walked from Fenway to JP Licks in the Back Bay (it was VERY crowded) and he had a sundae and I had a frozen yogurt cone. We then walked back to Park Street and took the T home.

That's walking right?

So I walked twice yesterday, once in the morning (for a half an hour around my neighborhood) and then last night for about 40 minutes. I also did some triceps and some push ups.

I'm still not quite sure how I'm going to set this up - if my posts are going to be about things I do and about what I eat and how I exercise and try to keep myself sane?

First of all, I'm not, and never was the tree-hugging type. I feel like I've been living my life on fast forward. Stress and anxiety has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember (can you say Type "A"). I have worked hard to get where I am, and I like where I am. One of the things that I have wanted to do and am trying to do is to live healthier. What does that mean? It means, taking care of myself, listening to my body and most of all - eating healthy and trying to use natural products. I'm not the vegan or vegetarian type. I'm the woman who honks at you as you drive to work. I'm the woman who runs into CVS for nylons because mine got a run on the way to work. I need more balance in my life. So I'm going to document it. Maybe I'll learn something.